I used to struggle with accepting positive criticism.
I took it as someone judging me or just criticizing me. I felt like someone was seeing me and pointing out flaws that confirmed what I already feared about myself.
If someone said, "This food is a little salty today," I didn’t hear an opportunity to be a better cook. I heard an attack.
I didn’t hear, “The food would have been better without all the salt.”
I heard, “You don’t even know how to cook.”
If someone said, "Your performance at work is dropping," I didn’t hear that as a signal for me to do better at work or be more keen. I heard, “You’re not good enough for this job. Are you even qualified?”
When someone said something critical about me or my work, I immediately switched to defense mode. I got angry. It could sometimes end up in an argument.
Eventually after a lot of uncomfortable reflection, I realized what was really going on.
What’s Actually the Difference?
Judgment is about you.
Critique is about what you did.
Judgment sounds like:
- “You never get anything right.”
- “You’re not cut out for this.”
- “This is just who you are. Deal with it.”
It puts labels. It blames. It puts people in boxes and closes the door on any chance of growth.
Critique, on the other hand, sounds like:
- “This draft feels rigid—have you thought about reworking it?”
- “You seem to take things personally—have you ever noticed that?”
- “You’re improving, but could you be more keen?”
Critique focuses on specifics. It offers suggestions. It opens a door instead of slamming it shut.
Why We Confuse the Two
Most of us weren’t taught how to give or receive feedback in a healthy way.
Depending on how we were raised or what we experienced, feedback might’ve always come packaged with shame, blame, rejection or emotional withdrawal.
So now, even when someone means well, we already have or gloves on.
We anticipate the blow.
We read too much into tone, word choice, or timing.
We defend. We freeze. We spiral.
And if we’ve tied our worth to our performance (which many of us have), then any comment on the work feels like a comment on us.
How I Started to Shift My Thinking
It started with one realization:
Not all feedback is an attack. Some of it is actually a gift.
Once I stopped seeing critique as a spotlight on my flaws and started seeing it as a flashlight pointing toward my potential, everything shifted.
Here’s what helped:
1. Separate Identity from Output
You are not your work.
A bad piece doesn’t mean you’re a bad writer.
A poor performance doesn’t mean you’re a failure.
This sounds obvious, but most of us forget it when we’re emotionally invested in what we create or do.
2. Ask: What’s Useful Here?
Not all feedback is equal.
Some is irrelevant, vague, or coming from a bad place.
But even then, there might be something to learn.
Instead of accepting or rejecting it outright, look for the useful part—even if it’s only 10%.
3. Notice the Pattern, Not the Punch
If different people keep pointing out the same thing, it's probably real. That is not judgment, its data.
Use it to grow.
4. Check Their Intent (and Yours)
Is the person giving feedback trying to help you grow?
Do they have experience, or do they just like hearing themselves talk?
Are you open to improving, or just seeking validation?
Being honest here helps filter what to take in and what to discard.
What Happens When You Embrace Critique
Once you learn to differentiate critique from judgment, feedback stops feeling threatening. It becomes something you can use to become a better you.
You grow faster. You stop wasting energy being defensive all the time and taking everything personally. And surprisingly, you become more confident.
I’ve seen it happen to me.
Wrapping up...
If you’ve always struggled with taking feedback, ask yourself: What if the critique you don’t like is exactly what you need to become a better you?
Critique is a mirror. One that, when used well, reflects both your current limits and your future potential.
Until the next one, bye!
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